Assertiveness & Impact
"Your brand is what other people say about you when you're not in the room."
Jeff Bezos
Not Being Taken Seriously
Ever felt unheard in a meeting? Or struggled to find the balance between being too forceful or too passive?
Assertiveness is the key to influence, leadership, and presence.
It’s about expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries clearly—without being aggressive or passive. Assertive leaders command respect, navigate tough conversations, and make sure their ideas are heard.
When you’re assertive, you command respect without demanding it. You communicate with conviction, navigate difficult conversations with ease, and ensure your ideas are heard. But assertiveness isn’t just about speaking up—it’s about how you show up. Your presence, energy, and clarity all contribute to the impact you make.
Your impact lasts longer than the conversation itself.
You need to understand that there’s the substance about what you say, and the manner in which you conduct yourself.
Are you and your ideas being overlooked?
There’s a large proportion of people in leadership and high-impact roles, who are unable to command attention, unable to influence and unable to inspire others.
They fail to build rapport, connection and command attention, they fail to bring an energy into the room, and they fail to be able to energise others, and in doing so fail to be effective and successful.
These qualities are critical to you being assertive and impactful.
Your Personality Type & How It Impacts Your Influence
How Your Thinking Style Affects Your Influence
Too Strong, Too Weak
Are you a bully or pushover?
Striking the right balance is a challenge—be fair and firm, but don’t slip into being a bully. Lean too far, and you risk being a pushover or weak; push too hard, and you become dominating. The goal? Lead with strength, not force, and be respected, not just nice.
There’s a high prevalence of “narcissists” in leadership.
A narcissist is someone with an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and little empathy for others. Research suggests that up to 5% of the general population meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but it’s more common for entrepreneurs and people in leadership roles, stats suggest c. 10 and 20% respectively! Why? Because narcissism is linked to risk-taking, innovation, and the desire for recognition—all traits that can fuel success in business.
Charisma, confidence, and ambition can elevate a leader, helping them inspire teams, drive results, and take bold risks. But unchecked narcissism leads to toxic cultures, reckless decision-making, and ego-driven leadership.
To improve: Balance Boldness with Humility. Great leaders channel confidence without letting ego take the wheel. The best safeguard? Seeking diverse input, embracing accountability, and focusing on “we” over “me.” Confidence earns respect—unchecked narcissism destroys it.
The Likeability Factor
Impacts being the first choice or being overlooked.
Assertiveness alone isn't enough, people need to trust and like you. The likeability factor...
If people like you, you're likely to be included, to be chosen, to be favoured. And of course the opposite applies, if people have a neutral or negative perception of you, you're most likely to be excluded, or to be a second, third or fourth choice.
This is particularly important when you don't already have established relationships and trust, notably in situations such as pitching for prospective customer business, similarly supplier and partner side where others may have choices or show preferential treatment, and importantly when interviewing for jobs.
Likeability not just important when it comes to winning sales, being chosen for promotion, or for the best projects or securing job offers.
Being liked will help you if you wish to operate with gravitas, impact and influence.
Likeability is something that can be developed with time through trust and familiarity, over days, weeks, months etc but it's also something that can be developed more quickly through building rapport and making an effort.
A matter of prevalence!
Failure to build rapport is common problem with people aged under 40 and introverted personality types.
A high proportion of people aged under 40, have become overly accustomed to zoom based interactions whether one to one or group based - in which small talk is minimised.
Too many people are rushing into detailed business conversations and failing to connect with the people they're meeting with.
Building Rapport & Likeability
Positive Greetings & Small Talk
Being liked will help you if you wish to operate with gravitas, impact and influence. Greeting people, smiling, being polite, showing genuine interest, and having casual conversations can greatly improve likability. Expressions like “good morning” or “good afternoon” create a feel-good factor, using someone’s name makes them feel included and important “Good morning, John”, “How are you today, Sacha?” Gestures like greeting colleagues and expressing appreciation help build positive relationships. Taking an interest in peoples lives, both at work and home, makes them feel valued and respected.
“Manners maketh the man or woman”
The true mark of a great leader isn’t just how they engage with peers or superiors—it’s how they treat those with less power or influence. A person of real stature uplifts others, listens with respect, and values every interaction, no matter the status of the individual. When people see you being inclusive, kind, and considerate, they’ll respect you more, trust you more, and be drawn to your leadership. In a world where how you make others feel is remembered long after words are forgotten, your character and presence will leave a lasting impact.
Do you need to make more of an effort?
Show better manners by greeting people warmly, making eye contact, and using inclusive language. Listen actively, acknowledge contributions, and treat everyone with respect—regardless of status. Small gestures, like saying “thank you” and showing consideration, go a long way in building trust and influence.
Networking & Presence
ho Knows You Matters as Much as What You Know
Your executive presence depends on whether the right people know you. Networking isn’t about collecting contacts—it’s about forming real connections.
You’ll lack executive presence and gravitas if people who should know you don’t! The size of your company, your seniority, and the scope of your role influence who you need to know and who needs to know you.
Establishing rapport with individuals at different levels and departments is vital. It enables collaboration, knowledge exchange, and smooth execution of goals. So, think about how you can broaden your network and seize chances to say, "Hello” and talk.
The One Thing to Never Overlook
You can't influence people without connecting with them.
To truly make an impact, you need more than just a strong argument—you need genuine connection. Building rapport isn’t just about being friendly; it’s about actively listening and seeking to understand their perspective. People are more open to your ideas when they feel heard, valued, and see that you genuinely grasp their point of view.
If this isn’t second nature yet, make it a priority—because real influence starts with real connection.
Handling Meetings & Conversations with Authority
Leading a meeting
Take control from the start—clarify the purpose, agenda, and desired outcomes. Keep discussions focused, guide the flow, and acknowledge key points before moving on. Engage participants with questions. Wrap up with clear action items and deadlines. When you call a meeting, take control from the start. Set the scene by clarifying its purpose, topics, and agenda. This helps you steer the discussion and stay on track. Make it clear what’s being discussed, why it’s important, and what you want to achieve. “Let me explain what I’d like to discuss today, and the issues which are...” Take charge of the agenda's flow for example by acknowledging the most recent point discussed e.g. that’s a really good point, or thank you, then “Let’s move on to the next item on the agenda”. Address key questions, and tackle uncertainties head-on. Be ready with answers. Get everyone involved by asking for input—this shows you're inclusive and boosts your likeability. In larger meetings, invite questions as you move through the agenda. After the meeting, send a memo summarizing key points and action items, including deadlines.
Handling Meetings & Conversations with Authority
In Meetings Organized by Others
Stay engaged in meetings—silence can be seen as weakness or disinterest. Gravitas isn’t about dominating; it’s about delivering relevant, thoughtful input. If you're shy, asking questions is an easy way to contribute. Plan ahead, be concise, and structure key points to command attention. If you're a stakeholder in the discussion, by which I mean your role is significant to the topic, then you need to participate. Staying quiet may be interpreted as being weak, ineffective or disinterested. Two key watch outs! For outgoing people, talking too much. For shy people, not saying anything or enough. Gravitas isn’t about dominating a meeting; it’s about delivering thoughtful, relevant input that adds value. Avoid talking excessively or not enough—your contributions should reflect your expertise and the weight of your role. Assess your relevance to the discussion and adjust your level of involvement accordingly: If your role is critical, ensure your contributions match your importance without dominating the conversation. If your role is secondary, provide concise, meaningful input to add value without overstepping. Gravitas often comes from asking the right question at the right time. Focus on key issues, identify uncertainties, and raise critical points that guide the discussion forward. Consider making an impact by asking the most important question or raising a crucial issue—this signals leadership and demonstrates your ability to prioritize what matters most. If you are a shy person asking a question or questions is an easy way to have an impact and be involved, even if you don’t say too much more. Also consider being ready in advance and at the right time, to offer up information, context or perspective... You may wish to think in advance how you would like to enter a dialogue, perhaps phrases you may use for example “I’d like to make (or emphasize) three key points”. When you say one, two, three, four or five it commands interest because it gets people thinking what are they? And you’ll project yourself as having logic and order. If you have more than five points, consider using visuals to ensure your audience can follow and absorb the information. Having planned in advance as to how you’ll offer up your contributions to the meeting will make it less daunting. They’ll be times when you need to think and respond in the moment, on an ad hoc basis to things you may not have planned for – see below. If a discussed topic falls under your responsibility and requires follow-up, put it in writing. This clarifies your expectations and serves as a reference point for everyone.
Handling Meetings & Conversations with Authority
Handling Ad Hoc Interactions
You won’t always be prepared for curveballs, so build a habit of handling them with a structured approach. Clarify key points, identify concerns, discuss options, check for blind spots, and agree on next steps. Practicing this will keep you sharp and in control. Consider mentally role-playing this by yourself and applying it to some not so important day-to-day interactions so that you’re better prepared for the big ones – perhaps you’ve made a habit of it. Clarify the Situation: Ask them to confirm the key points. Then replay it back to them – “Let me confirm—are we saying the issue is…?” This ensures you understand and shows you’re actively listening. Identify the Key Points – “So, the main concerns are…” This keeps the discussion focused. Discuss Options, Timelines & Costs – “Here’s what we can do and the trade-offs…” Frame the conversation around action. Check for Anything Overlooked – “Are we missing anything important?” A quick check avoids blind spots. Agree on Next Steps – “Let’s align on this plan…” Close with clarity and decisiveness. With practice, this approach becomes second nature—helping you stay sharp, calm, and in control, no matter the situation.
Handling Meetings & Conversations with Authority
Making an Impact on Phone Calls
They can't see you. You can't see them. If you want to be engaging and impactful, be sure to avoid being monotone—vary tone, pace, and volume. Structure the call, plan key points, and wrap up with clear next steps to ensure impact and engagement. Because they can’t see you – You really need to bring the Call to life. Without visual cues, your voice and energy define the conversation. Start with a strong, positive introduction “Good morning, [name]!” spoken clearly, with energy and a slightly raised tone (not shouting). A smile in your voice makes a difference. Unless it’s bad news, bring warmth and enthusiasm to encourage engagement. Because you can’t see their reactions, they might be distracted, uninterested, or focused elsewhere. Project confidence by avoiding mumbling and monotone delivery. Vary your volume, pace, and tone, and use strategic pauses to emphasize key points. Effective Introductions: Great calls start with preparation—know your purpose, key points, and potential questions. Open confidently with a greeting and the person’s name, exchange brief pleasantries, then set the agenda: “I’d like to cover X, Y, and Z—does that work for you?” This signals organization, authority, and purpose. Capturing & Maintaining Interest Even smart, well-informed speakers lose attention if they sound flat. Avoid a monotone by adding variety to your tone and pace. A weak or overly soft voice lacks impact - speak strongly and clearly. Emphasizing Key Points: Plan your most important points and questions in advance. Pause for effect before making a crucial point. When delivering them: Highlight importance: “The three key things to focus on are…” Use attention-grabbing phrases: “Look, here’s what really matters…” while emphasizing the word “look.” Engaging Through Questions. Show engagement by asking thoughtful questions. Curiosity signals knowledge and attentiveness. Adapt your tone to the conversation—soften for serious topics, energize for positive ones. Smiling while speaking conveys warmth and enthusiasm. Wrap up decisively. Summarize key points, confirm next steps, and set timelines. End with a confident, polite closing: “Thanks for your time—I’ll follow up on X by [date]. Speak soon!” By owning your voice, energy, and structure, you’ll make every call more engaging, authoritative, and impactful.
Knowing when to shut up
For impact...
If you've made your point clearly and effectively, and it’s understood, your next move is to either seek agreement or simply stop talking.
Keep going unnecessarily, and you risk weakening your own argument.
A strong point loses power when buried under extra words.
Knowing when to shut up
Because you're in broadcast mode
Some people fall into broadcast mode—they talk endlessly, assuming their experience makes their words inherently valuable.
Two types of people are prone to making this error, firstly people who are new to management or coaching and secondly older people. For the latter assuming they know best, broadcast mode risks pushing outdated, irrelevant, or unnecessary information.
Curiosity, not monologue, is the key to real influence—it builds understanding, stronger relationships, and reveals what you don’t know.
Delivering the knock-out punch
If you're presenting or leading a meeting, timing your most powerful point is key.
Consider when to deliver it for maximum impact—likely after setting the context, outlining key facts, and reading the room. Once the groundwork is laid, you’ll be ready to land your most significant point at the right moment—ensuring it resonates and secures buy-in. To emphasize your key message, use a combination of carefully crafted words, strong messaging, and deliberate delivery.
Plan your wording in advance, framing your point as critical—e.g., “We’ve discussed the situation, options, and implications… The most important factors are…” Pair this with strong body language, vocal emphasis, and direct eye contact to ensure your point lands with maximum impact.
MAKING WORDS WORK
If asserting yourself doesn’t come naturally, you can leverage words to your advantage to elevate your impact.
Use them as an addition, to re-enforce yourself.
When used effectively, this can be a powerful tool. However, relying on words alone—without presence or action—risks making you appear even weaker.
Here’s how you can make words work for you at different stages of a meeting: Before the meeting – If you’ve called the meeting, issue a clear agenda in advance.
Consider including a report or situational summary and inviting input beforehand. This helps you anticipate potential questions and ensures you’re well-prepared.
During the meeting – Reinforce your message by referring to documents, visuals, charts, or slides. This adds weight to your points and keeps discussions anchored in facts.
After the meeting – Summarize key points, outline action items, and clarify responsibilities with deadlines. This ensures alignment and follow-through. Used well, this approach strengthens your influence—without requiring you to be overtly assertive.
How you can avoid being a pushover!
Give them your choice of options
When someone counters your suggestion with something you’re not comfortable with, rather than simply saying yes or no, try steering the conversation toward options—ones you have chosen.
Instead of accepting their terms outright, you might say, “We’d talked about X—here are the options?”
This keeps you in control while still offering flexibility, making it less likely that their choice will override yours.
This approach can also be useful when anticipating difficult conversations.
Take away their control
If you’re not 100% happy with something, you could say, “Let me take this away and think about it.”
If you're too nice and too much of a pushover, the advantage of this is that it neutralises a situation!
This approach has three benefits: it avoids committing to something you don’t want, it may prompt the other person to agree with your suggestion, and it gives you time to reflect—whether to agree, propose alternatives, or find a way to bring them around to your thinking.
Practice Being Assertive
Assertive leaders find the right balance—too strong can seem like bullying, too weak can appear passive. Confidence, clear boundaries, and open dialogue drive effective leadership.
Know your limits and goals. Use “I” statements (“I believe…” or “I need…”) to express yourself calmly. Prepare for discussions, practice speaking, and listen actively. Start small—build confidence in low-stakes situations.
Practice Being Assertive
Leveraging the Point of View Approach
The "I have a point of view" approach emphasizes the importance of recognizing and owning one's unique perspective in any conversation or situation. It encourages individuals to express their thoughts, opinions, and insights with confidence, while also remaining open to others' viewpoints. This approach fosters self-awareness, personal responsibility, and clear communication. It highlights that everyone’s perspective is valid, and by sharing it, you can contribute to a broader understanding of a topic or issue. Moreover, it cultivates respect for diverse ideas, helping to create more meaningful and constructive dialogues.
Here's an example of a structure for the "I have a point of view" approach:
1) Introduction (State Your Viewpoint)
Start by clearly stating your perspective or opinion on the topic at hand.
Example: "From my perspective, remote work has significantly increased productivity in many industries."
2) Supporting Evidence (Explain Why You Feel This Way)
Provide reasons or examples that support your viewpoint.
Example: "Studies have shown that employees working from home often experience fewer distractions and more flexibility, which leads to higher job satisfaction and better output."
3) Acknowledge Other Viewpoints (Show Respect for Different Opinions)
Briefly mention that you understand or recognize other perspectives.
Example: "I understand some people argue that remote work can lead to isolation and reduced collaboration."
4) Clarification or Reaffirmation (Stand by Your Viewpoint)
Reaffirm why your viewpoint remains valid despite other opinions.
Example: "However, I believe with the right tools and communication strategies, these challenges can be mitigated, making remote work a sustainable option."
5) Conclusion (Invite Dialogue or Further Exploration)
End by inviting others to share their thoughts or suggesting further discussion.
Example: "I’d love to hear others' experiences with remote work, as there’s always more to learn from different viewpoints."
Final Takeaways
Practice Being Assertive
Accomplished leaders are assertive for most others it’s an acquired skill. Being too strong can come off as bullying, while being too weak may appear as a pushover. Effective leaders speak up confidently, set fair boundaries, and encourage open dialogue. This balance helps in making solid decisions while considering others' input.
Start by clearly understanding your boundaries and goals. Practice expressing your needs and opinions calmly, using “I” statements like, “I believe…” or “I need…” to avoid sounding confrontational.
Prepare for meetings or discussions by planning what you want to say and practicing in front of a mirror or with a trusted colleague.
Focus on active listening to understand others’ perspectives before responding confidently. Start small—speak up in low-stakes situations to build your confidence.
Assertiveness, presence, and leadership all come down to intentional communication. Master your voice, read the room, and lead with confidence.
Ten Strategies To Be More Assertive
Assertiveness, presence, and leadership all come down to intentional communication. Master your voice, read the room, and lead with confidence.
-
Use “I” Statements – Express concerns without sounding aggressive, e.g., “I need more time to consider this.”
-
Silence as Power – Pause before responding to let the other person feel the weight of your position.
-
Set Clear Boundaries – Politely but firmly say, “I can’t take this on right now.”
-
Ask Questions – Challenge without confrontation, e.g., “What’s the rationale behind this request?”
-
Repeat Your Point – Don’t get swayed; calmly reiterate your stance until it's acknowledged.
-
Use Confident Body Language – Maintain eye contact and an upright posture to reinforce your message.
-
Deflect and Redirect – Shift the focus, e.g., “Let’s look at alternative solutions.”
-
Leverage Written Communication – Emails or messages can provide clarity and avoid pressure in real-time conversations.
-
Seek Allies – Support from others can add weight to your position.
-
Exit the Conversation – If someone is overbearing, calmly end the discussion with, “Let’s revisit this later.”